Dear Whoever You Are; love of my life, best friend. I don’t know.

I don’t get you. Nothing about you I understand, maybe in the vaguest terms I get it, but I don’t understand. And this is where I struggle with best friend/girlfriend. I don’t know where the lines are because all I want is for you to be happy. Right now, it seems like I have to sacrifice my happiness for yours and that isn’t fair either.

I just want to be with you. I want all of your insecurities, flaws, abilities, everything. But it seems like you can’t handle mine. You complicate everything. Did you know that, “I love you, I’ll talk to you in the morning.” Is a viable answer to calm your girlfriend down when she’s upset? Apparently not.

Because when you yell into the background, “Let’s not go up there. She’ll want to talk to me.” Then hang up on me without saying you love me. Fuck, do you really not care? Because I can’t tell.

And it’s sick that I’ll let you keep doing this to me. For fuck’s sake, you broke up with me, fucked her and then told me how sorry you are. You were telling me how much you loved me when you wanted to fuck me too. Maybe you did take advantage of me, maybe you’re taking advantage of the fact that I’m not going anywhere, that I will love you no matter what. But right now it seems like loving you means not loving myself.

But you know as well as I do that we’ll go for a walk tonight and we’ll hold hands and kiss. You’ll tell me you’re sorry and that you’ll try harder. I just need you to know that when you say you don’t want to deal with anything to me that means I’m not worth dealing with.